Being Present with Pain
We are often taught, in so many ways, that difficult emotions and physical pain equate to suffering. That anger, grief, envy, pride, shame, guilt, headache, indigestion, itching, insomnia, back pain…all these sensations are the cause of suffering, that they are too difficult to be present with, that they must be pushed down, distracted from, medicated upon; that immediate relief and release are tantamount. But feelings and pain are not suffering, and that space between any sensation and self is where healing can take place. Suffering comes about through identification with the illusion of permanence in emotional and physical experiences. When we believe we are our emotions, that we are angry people, that we are unhappy people, that we are unworthy people, or that we are kind, happy, and worthy people (yes, the false dichotomy of good and bad emotions itself), we become stuck. When we believe we are sick people; we are the scoliosis, the sciatica, the chronic migraine…then we become stuck.
Stuckness, stagnation, stasis is the root of pain. Bù tōng zè tòng, tòng zé bù tōng 不通這痛, 痛則不通: no flow there is pain, free flow there is no pain. If we can be present with the impermanence of our emotional and physical pain, that our emotional and physical pain are not the self, but merely an experience, we can begin to relieve some of our suffering. All this is good on a theoretical level, but how to put it into practice, you may ask?
When we breathe mindfully, we can gently be with the location of physical pain, and tune into where the emotional distress manifests. The emotional may manifest as a lump in the throat, a constriction in the chest, a knot in the stomach, a migraine in the temple, or perhaps it is everywhere, a pervasive feeling of unease. Body and mind cannot be separated, there is really no distinction, where there is pain of body, there is pain of mind, and vice versa. Again, pain does not equal suffering. Compassionate awareness of one’s pain is essential to healing. Compassionate awareness is fostered with the mindful breath, with being fully with oneself. Being fully with oneself means being there in the moment with body and mind, as a caring friend would be with you, with non-judgment and curiosity. The late great Buddhist teacher Thich Nhat Hanh wrote:
If our body isn’t peaceful, if we have too many strong emotions, then our breathing can’t be peaceful. When we practice the exercise of mindful breathing, we notice our breathing becomes calmer, more profound, more harmonious, and the tension in our breathing is released. Breathing mindfully takes our mind back to our breath and, if we continue, to our whole body. We go back to our body and reconcile with it. We get to know what’s going on in our body, the wrongs we have done, the conflicts we’re having, and we’ll know what to do and what not to do in order to be on good terms with our body. With mindful breathing, we come to recognize our body as our home. ¹
The following breathing exercise will bring awareness to body and mind, calm the breath, and release tension in areas of emotional and physical pain. The focus is not to eradicate pain as if it were an enemy. Pain is a teacher, a message that care and compassion needs to be given to oneself. Breathe deeply, breathe gently, breathe with space.
If you are unsure, consult with your health care provider(s) before attempting any new exercise.
How to Be Present with Pain
Duration: 5-10 minutes
This meditation exercise is best done in a seated position. Close your eyes, sit in a relaxed and upright position. If it is not possible to stay seated, lie down in a comfortable position. Start by taking a few deep breaths: breathing in to a count of 4, holding the breath to a count of 4, breathing out to a count of 8. 4-4-8, 4-4-8, 4-4-8…until you notice slowing and calming of your breath.
Breathe in through your whole body, through your nostrils and orifices and pores and entire being, while saying: body
Breathe out through your whole body, through your nostrils and orifices and pores and entire being, while saying: body
Breathe in through the top of your head, while saying with your mind’s voice: top of head
Breathe out through the top of your head, while saying with your mind’s voice: top of head
Breathe in through your eyes, while saying with your mind’s voice: eyes
Breathe out through your eyes, while saying with your mind’s voice: eyes
[moving down body]
Breathe in through the soles of your feet, while saying: soles.
Breathe out through the soles of your feet, while saying: soles.
You will breathe in and out through each part of your body, from top of head to bottom of foot. You can choose to be as specific as you like, for instance including left and right sides, tongue, kneecap, collarbone, etc; but do remember to include all general areas of the body ². It’s important to physically bring your breath in and out of the body part you concentrate on. With practice, you will begin to feel sensation of air and movement to and from that region. For areas in which you feel tension, pain, weakness, inflammation, and discomfort, take some more time to breathe there. For instance, if you feel a stuck feeling in the right side of your throat, do this:
Breathe in through the right side of your throat, saying with your mind’s voice: right throat
Breathe out through the right side of your throat, saying with your mind’s voice: release (to release tension, pain, discomfort)
Breathe in through the right side of your throat, saying with your mind’s voice: right throat
Breathe out through the right side of your throat, saying with your mind’s voice: smile (smiling compassion and love to your right throat)
Repeat the above steps as you feel necessary.
If you find yourself drifting to other thoughts, no worries. Notice thoughts and emotions without judgment, and bring breath back to where you left off. If you noticing yourself becoming sleepy; perhaps it’s time to snooze? This is very soothing exercise, and ff you have difficulty falling asleep, this is a great to calm your mind and body down for rest.
Once you have breathed out of the soles of your feet, take a few natural breaths, open your eyes. Well done! ♡
¹ Hanh, T N. Reconciliation: healing the inner child. Berkeley, CA: Parallax Press; 2010.
² for guidance on body areas: top of head, brain, eyes, nose, mouth, ears, neck, shoulders, arms, wrists, hands, fingers, chest, abdomen, (stomach, uterus, bowels, bladders, genitals), hips, groin, thighs, knees, calves, ankles, toes, soles of feet
